You won't always get it right, but so what?

From @heatherandlace Instagram

From @heatherandlace Instagram

I stumbled across this at the perfect moment. I am currently working full time at a company I love, doing PR for a public figure, shooting two big events this weekend and still trying to keep my space Art Is Life Studio afloat. Currently I'm getting over a pretty bad upper respiratory infection in light of all this. So the thoughts begin to drift and I start feeling like my choice to dive into what I have wanted to do for several years now (opening the studio) is becoming a scary reality that I most assuredly could do better every week. The below blog post was sitting in my drafts from July 2014. Not sure why I never did publish it. Maybe it felt too honest, but I couldn't have discovered it was there at a better time in conjunction with the above quote from Amy Poehler. 

I don't know about you, but I'm REALLY hard on myself. I mean really. Everyone around me, who really knows me, knows this. Now you do. 

Some people see this as being a perfectionist. I don't really see it that way but for me it means the work you do should be your best while realizing perfection is never imminent. I think giving yourself a hard time is mostly about avoiding disappointment -- of yourself or feeling it from others. As if disappointment isn't already a part of the human experience. We obviously need disappointment as much as we need successes. Through disappointments we see what we are truly made of and how we cope with life.

In my case being hard on myself is deep-rooted. I think needing to love yourself more is what folks usually say to this kind of behavior. But I think it's loving yourself in a different way. It's loving yourself enough to come to the realization you can "do better than that" or "improve." Then you say internally, "I knew better than that. Get with the program!" This is productive if it stops there, motivates and creates movement. However it becomes counterproductive when you don't give yourself a break and forgive your "setbacks." This is where the "unloving" appears. 

I'm simply thankful and proud of what I've done with my life, realizing there is so much more room for improvement. I slip in this direction or in that direction. This is called being human. This is called self-realization. This should NOT be an opportunity to beat yourself up as you move forward because, truthfully, that's not completely moving forward.