Somewhere along the way, we got married....
Blogs are a funky thing.
You have all the best intentions but then life gets in the way. And actually my life has some pretty good content that I just haven’t gotten all down into little vignettes on this blog.
First things first – I’m 37 and never been married. That is until now. David and I wed on Nov. 7 of this year. Actually a later marriage means that you go in, head first, knowing all of your collective “stuff” (also known as baggage) and personalities are now part of a union and not just a showy exchange of your early adulthood flightiness.
But I have to tell you that the actual getting married part is a really strange, glittery and colorful whirlwind. It’s kind of like being drugged while all your plans don’t work out exactly as you thought they would (I’ll spare you the details but make sure you do all of your beautification at the location of your wedding and get it done super early so you can adjust accordingly without rushing). You do a lot of crying, hugging, gasping and laughing all while holding some lovely flowers and your beau’s arm and while cell phone snapshots happen at all angles. Wonderful people you love will rally around you and make sure everything goes as well as it possibly can.
You don’t remember much but your friends and family will give you details and you will spend a lot of time saying, “Really?” or “I did?” or “Then what happened?”
I can honestly tell you that before David I didn’t think I was ever going to get married and I didn’t really know, in the end, if I wanted to given the statistics. What I did know is that I always wanted a partner who valued and supported my goals and whom I would want to be sure I inspired and supported his. I feel that is what David and I do but we are definitely completely different people.
Being that I was previously a very fiercely independent and single woman, that independence doesn’t fade away, nor should it. It’s easy, though, to get lost along the way. You are in a domestic situation now. It’s different than shacking up, though, I’ve heard from some that it won’t feel different. Yes, it IS different.
It’s commitment to the next level. You may not be a fan of marriage. You may not even believe in it. But at some point you think about it if you are already in a committed relationship. It’s the natural “next step” when it comes to the perks and joint-filings of it all if you want to be pedantic about it. But honestly why wouldn’t you want a union with the person you feel gets you, accepts you for all of your messiness and wonderfulness while celebrating you?
Look, this isn’t about a fairytale. I never was one who dreamed of a fairytale prince and fantasy wedding. I just wanted a good man who took all of me in — not just the good, the gritty junk that fills in the cracks of shiny parts. Like a mosaic. We had a beautiful wedding and we wore cowboy boots. We ate barbecue. There were twinkly lights. Whimsy and down-home is what dreams are made of, really.
Really I see the next chapter of my life as an opportunity to really understand what it means to have your own identity while being part of a union — what does that look like and how do you keep it as you set out to accomplish your goals. A partnership isn’t about completing you; it’s about enhancing what you both already have and inspiring what is left to come.